It's Not That Simple

International adoption seems like such a simple thing -- there are children in the world who need homes. We have a home and desire a child. Put the two together, and the world is a better place. Right?

Some days I try to convince myself that adoption is actually that simple. Because the reality of adoption is so much more complicated and difficult to face.

The reality of adoption is that it's about loss. A birthmother loses her child. A child loses his birth family. He loses his country. His language. His name. Everything that looks, sounds, feels, tastes, and smells familiar.

The reality of adoption is that it's about race. It's about (mostly) white people adopting children of color. How will we white people raise these children? Will we raise them to be strong, confident, adults of color? Or will they grow up angry, hurt, and confused about their identities?

The reality of adoption is that it's about class. It's about upper and middle class people removing children of poverty from poorer nations. It's about profiting personally from someone else's unfortunate economic circumstances. It's about thousands of dollars exchanging hands, but none of it getting into the hands of the family who needed it to take care of the child.

The reality of adoption is that it's about control. As in the child has none. He doesn't choose to forfeit his culture. He doesn't choose to abandon his language and his customs. He doesn't choose to live in a country where people of his skin color are still stereotyped, discriminated against, and marginalized. We've made all the decisions -- but it's our child who has to live with them.

Why then are we moving forward? It's a question always on my mind. The answer is simple: there are children in the world who need homes. We have a home and the desire to parent a child. So we move forward humbly and with the understanding that we are accepting an incredible gift, and with it incredible responsibility.

Peace.