Well, I'm finally feeling stable enough to blog about what many of you already know: we won't be traveling in February as we had expected to bring Spud home. On Tuesday we learned that the Ethiopian government will be conducting their annual review of the orphanage where Spud is from. The review is expected to be complete on March 9. In the meantime, no travel visas or embassy appointments will be scheduled for children from that orphanage. Our agency can't predict how soon after 3/9 we will know when we will travel.
News of this delay came to me while shopping at The Limited (yes, I know I'm too old to shop there, but hope springs eternal). In short order I was lying on the floor of The Limited hyperventilating. Interestingly, no one came to my aid. I think they thought I had flipped out, and a few seemed to be seriously contemplating summoning the men in the little white coats. Actually, I could have used some valium about then.
Anyway, I am angry. The only problem is, there's no one to be angry at. Can't be angry at Ethiopia -- reviewing orphanages is a good thing. Can't be angry at my agency -- it's not their fault. Mostly I'm angry because I can't fix it. I'm a "fix it" kind of person. I am a problem solver. I work things out. I never say die.
So I'm angry because I'm helpless to fix this.
And I'm angry with God. It may sound sacreligious to be angry with God, but I figure He can handle it. He's got hugely big shoulders, right? I really do get the fact that He's in charge and there is a reason for this. But honestly, what reason could there possibly be for a child to be delayed from having a mom and a dad? (This is my Mole mind speaking, of course.)
So I've been pondering ways to ease my anger and disappointment. My wise SIL does yoga -- that's an option. The mom of the other family affected by the orphanage review is training to run a marathon -- that's an option -- NOT!! For now I've settled on demolishing the 5 lb. bag of chocolate I bought to take to the House of Hope. Oh and yesterday I downed a half-a-bowl of chocolate chip cookie dough. And I've pounded two lattes already today.
Chocolate and caffeine...salve for the soul.
God is Good.
Peace.
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5 comments:
I can understand your disappointment. We would all feel like you do. But God is good and His timing is nothing like ours...enjoy the chocolates!
Blessings,
jen in MI
Anger is a legitimate part of life. You are SINCERELY entitled to your feelings. Go ahead and scream (if you already haven't) IT'S NOT FAIR.... because it isn't. Then, tell you yourself - I will overcome, my baby WILL BE in my arms.
If you are not strong you would never have made it this far.
God bless you. You are added to my prayers.
Jennifer
If I knew where to send it, you would be getting a huge chocolate cake in the mail. :) Hugs to you!
I'd join ya with chocolate!!
I can't imagine how you must feel, but it seems like you are handling it well... including the chocolate ;) I am so sorry about this review :(
And, yes, God can handle all of our feelings, thoughts! He wants us to come to Him with EVERYTHING.
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