Perspective

I needed some. I got some here.

And here.

And here.

Enough said.

One Step Foward, Two Steps Back

Well, I'm finally feeling stable enough to blog about what many of you already know: we won't be traveling in February as we had expected to bring Spud home. On Tuesday we learned that the Ethiopian government will be conducting their annual review of the orphanage where Spud is from. The review is expected to be complete on March 9. In the meantime, no travel visas or embassy appointments will be scheduled for children from that orphanage. Our agency can't predict how soon after 3/9 we will know when we will travel.

News of this delay came to me while shopping at The Limited (yes, I know I'm too old to shop there, but hope springs eternal). In short order I was lying on the floor of The Limited hyperventilating. Interestingly, no one came to my aid. I think they thought I had flipped out, and a few seemed to be seriously contemplating summoning the men in the little white coats. Actually, I could have used some valium about then.

Anyway, I am angry. The only problem is, there's no one to be angry at. Can't be angry at Ethiopia -- reviewing orphanages is a good thing. Can't be angry at my agency -- it's not their fault. Mostly I'm angry because I can't fix it. I'm a "fix it" kind of person. I am a problem solver. I work things out. I never say die.

So I'm angry because I'm helpless to fix this.

And I'm angry with God. It may sound sacreligious to be angry with God, but I figure He can handle it. He's got hugely big shoulders, right? I really do get the fact that He's in charge and there is a reason for this. But honestly, what reason could there possibly be for a child to be delayed from having a mom and a dad? (This is my Mole mind speaking, of course.)

So I've been pondering ways to ease my anger and disappointment. My wise SIL does yoga -- that's an option. The mom of the other family affected by the orphanage review is training to run a marathon -- that's an option -- NOT!! For now I've settled on demolishing the 5 lb. bag of chocolate I bought to take to the House of Hope. Oh and yesterday I downed a half-a-bowl of chocolate chip cookie dough. And I've pounded two lattes already today.

Chocolate and caffeine...salve for the soul.

God is Good.

Peace.

Peace of Mind

One of the many amazing things you get to experience during adoption is the kindness of strangers. It's unbelievable how many lovely people you've never met and probably never will meet in person reach out to you via the internet and email to offer encouragement, prayers, and information. I can't imagine what it would have been like to go through this process prior to the availability of the net. It must have been a very lonely experience.

Thanks to the kindness of strangers who recently traveled to the House of Hope, we received a couple Spud updates yesterday and today that have eased my mind. One wrote, "Your son Ermias is a handsome little guy. He is quiet and content to play by himself. He likes to explore and figure stuff out. When he smiles at you it's like being given a gift."

Another shared, "I am sure you will intuitively give your son everything he needs at the right time. I too found him intense and serious. Ever watchful of all that is going on around him. He is beautiful boy. And as serious as he is he stands right in the center of all the activity sometimes...although not necessarily partaking, certainly not fearful, just right in the mix."

And Noelle's note in the "Comments" section of the last post was wonderful to read.

So...he plays. He watches. He SMILES.

We're blessed.

Thank you, friends.

Yearning for a Smile

The director of the House of Hope, Spud's current home, has said Spud "acts like a grown up boy." All the CHI families who have met Spud have described him to us as "serious." We are very fortunate to have several pictures of Spud, and he indeed appears to be intense.

There are no pictures of him smiling.

All day every day, I am yearning to see this child smile. I imagine myself tickling his tiny ribs and listening to him giggle. I imagine myself tossing him in the air and hearing him squeal with joy. I imagine myself blowing zurples on his beautiful tummy and watching him belly laugh like a child who doesn't have a care in the world.

But I must be cautious not to burden him with my yearning. I may need to see him smile and hear him laugh, but he may need to frown awhile longer. He may need a mama just to quietly hold him tight. To wipe his tears and stroke his cheek. To be a calm rock while he grieves.

I hope I can be just what he needs.

Peace.

Feeling Blue

My goal with this blog is to be of some comfort to others who are adopting, but I still haven't figured out how much to put out there. I mean, what if something that's on my heart makes me appear to be a really ugly person? But what if by appearing to be an ugly person, I give comfort to someone else feeling ugly? So, here goes ...

I'm not sure what to do with the swill of feelings I've been experiencing lately. Self-pity. Jealousy. Faithlessness.


It's like I've been playing "Whack a Mole" in my head the last few weeks.

Mole (twisted mind): "What the heck is going on over there? We've had our referral since Nov. 2, we had 3 court dates, and we've been told that there's a misspelling on Spud's paperwork that needs to be fixed before an embassy appointment can be scheduled and this error may push things out another week. Why is this happening to me?"

Whack! (rational mind): "Why NOT you? Nobody is doing anything TO you, it just is. And it just is for a reason, a reason we may never know, but God knows. Maybe there's something we need to do here yet. Maybe Africa needs her Spud for a little while longer, or he needs her."

Mole: "Yeah, but look at all those people who get to travel now. Most of them didn't have these set backs."

Whack!" You haven't walked a mile in their shoes. How do you know what setbacks they have faced getting where they are? Many, many who have adopted have had longer, harder journeys than yours. Stop complaining about a few weeks."

Mole: "Now I feel guilty for feeling this way."

Whack! Whack! "It's okay to feel sad. You're missing a part of your child's life. Every day he's doing things that you aren't there to share. The days ARE slipping by, and they are days that won't come again. That is sad. Here's a tissue."

Mole: "If you had faith, you wouldn't feel this way."

Whack! Whack! Whack! "God never promised you wouldn't feel lousy sometimes, that you wouldn't be scrambling for your mustard seed. But its times like these you know your faith is alive, because it's almost tangible, like you're hanging on Jesus's cloak. And even though he's walking and you're dragging in the dirt, you've got hold of his hem. And it's all good where he's taking you."

So there it is. The no good, very bad, terrible me.

WHACK!

Peace.

Da Bears

The Ethiopia Program Director at our adoption agency shared this link with us today. After you open the link, click on Muhammad Adoption Feature on the right.

http://www.chicagobears.com/

Peace.

Introducing ... Spud!

Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh! We made it! We were approved to adopt Spud. I'm going to go process this now. More later.

Peace.

But We Digress (or is it Regress?)

What have we been doing while we wait for news of Spud? Playing with his toys, of course! We especially love the "See 'n Say," don't we kids?

I hope Spud doesn't think he's been adopted by aliens.

Peace.

P.S. So much for Tater's reputation as our serious, thoughtful child.

P.P.S. Speed Racer is MORTIFIED that she appears with bed head on the net.

Comfort and Joy

As we wait this week to hear the outcome of our third court date, I have been comforted by the Confession we prayed this Sunday at church. I thought it might comfort you, as well.

"Lord Jesus, we admit that sometimes our faith is weak. Many times we want to control the outcome of situations in our lives, rather than trusting You. Sometimes we feel as if we're not good enough to be blessed with the strength and peace that You promise Your people. We get anxious; we worry, and our thoughts turn to "What about me?" rather than "What does my God have in store for me?" Too often we live like we matter most. And so we have sinned in our thoughts, words, and deeds. We ask for Your forgiveness, Your strength, and Your peace. We pray this morning that our faith in You and our ability to hear Your voice would increase as You desire. In Your name, Jesus, we pray. Amen"

God is good. ALL the time.

Peace.

"She is too fond of books, and it has turned her brain." (Louisa May Alcott, 1873)

It's true, my brain is turned, but I'm sure my fondness for books is not the sole cause of my compromised mental state. I am passionate about reading, however, and I am passionate about sharing my love of reading with children (mine and anyone else's I can get my hands on). That's a large part of why I became a teacher.

Reading to your child is good for his heart and good for his mind, and the benefits last a lifetime. Read this for details.

With the addition of Spud to our family, I have a new excuse to buy more books. I had built up quite a library of children's books for Tater and Racer, but I passed many of them on to the kids' teachers, our school library, and younger cousins as my kids outgrew them. Each book had memories attached, and it hurt every time I let one go (I did save the ones they loved the best to pass on to their children).

As I build Spud's collection, I am especially aware of my responsibility to choose books that feature characters of color. From time to time, I'd like to share books we've added to our home library. I hope you find a new family favorite among them. Also, I would love it if you would share your treasured titles with us.

Charlesbridge publishers is a great resource for books featuring children from around the world, and I added several to our library. Best of all, many of the titles are "Global Fund for Children Books," which means part of the purchase price will be used to "support innovative community-based organizations that serve the world's most vulnerable children and youth." All babies love to look at pictures of other babies, and your whole family will love looking at the beautiful cuties in Global Babies. This board book features gorgeous babes from 17 different cultures with simple text.

To Be a Kid is a book that celebrates that kids are kids, no matter where they live. Your family will love the pictures of kids around the world playing and having fun. Animal Friends is another book featuring kids around the world, this time with their favorite animals. Too cute.

I'll tell you about the other titles I ordered from Charlesbridge in a future blog.

But now, let's all go and read our kids a good book.

Peace.

Disappointing News

We heard this afternoon that our second court appointment was also unsuccessful. We have been rescheduled for this Friday, the 18th.

God is good. He has the plan.

Peace.

Change is Good

Last night I was relaxing in a comfy chair cruisin' the net with my laptop. For some reason both Tater and Racer climbed onto my lap (did I mention there was a laptop there?) and put their arms around my neck. Being the cranky mommy that I am, I gave them both sharp jabs to the ribs and said, "Get off me!" But they didn't budge. I was just about to repeat myself when I realized my 10- and 11-year-old kids were SITTING on my lap. I decided to go with it. I set aside the laptop, and we just hung out there and hugged for awhile.

Racer began to reminisce. She said, "Remember when we used to read books together in your bed every night?"

Tater responded, "Yeah, can we do that tonight?"

From the time they were babes until they were in 2nd and 3rd grades, family book reading was a bedtime ritual. After baths the kids would pile into our bed with their wet hair, footie PJs, and Johnson's baby lotion skin. And then I would read to them. The ritual slowly fizzled as the kids moved into chapter books and their reading interests diverged. (Magic Tree House for Tater, Junie B. Jones for Racer.)

So last night we decided we'd read a few old favorites and a few of the new books we'd bought for Spud.

Everyone brushed teeth, put on their PJs, and squeezed into my bed. And I mean squeezed.

Once we managed to get cozy, I began reading one of their all-time favorites, The Giant Jam Sandwich, a lovely story about how the clever people of a town infested with wasps build a giant jam sandwich to trap the annoying insects. At the end of the book I was basking in the warm fuzziness of it all when Tater blurted, "That story is SO dumb." Racer broke into a fit of giggles. Not wanting to lose the mood, I gently reminded them how much they used to love when the townspeople baked the giant bread, spread the sticky jam, and finally squished the unsuspecting wasps by dropping the bread on them. I thought Tater's eyes were misting over, but I was wrong. "Whatever," he replied, rolling his eyes. Then we all burst out laughing.

Our next old favorite was Guess How Much I Love You (who can resist Little Nutbrown Hare?) followed by What Do You Do With a Kangaroo? (Throw him out -- that's what you do!)

Then we made new favorites that we can't wait to share with Spud. We think he'll love The Sneetches, Let's Talk About Race, and Bippity Bop Barbershop!

In the end, the evening wasn't exactly like the "old days" . . .

Tater is a little stinkier.
Racer is a little gigglier.
And I'm a little wrinklier.

. . . it was better.

Peace.

To Sleep, Perchance to Dream

All last night I dreamed that I lost Spud. Then I would find him, only to lose him again. Frantically I'd search for him everywhere, find him in the oddest place, and lose him again.

With all the true loss Spud has experienced in his short life, I wonder what he dreamed about last night.

Peace.

No Word on Court

We haven't heard yet if our court appointment was successful. :( But here is a TMI post while you wait ...

Peace.

A Rose By Any Other Name . . .

My son is getting older. How do I know? He stinks. He's sporting that gamey, adolescent boy smell. And his bedroom has the fragrance of "eau de locker room."

Unfortunately, I have experience with this odious odor. I taught middle school, and every year the other teachers and I would pray we didn't have the boys the period after P.E.

Febreeze is my new best friend.

Who, ME? (Isn't he a good sport?)

Peace.

It's a God Thing

Actually, I don't care for that phrase because EVERYTHING is a God thing. But something did happen on Wednesday to remind me that He's in control.

I planned to make a quick stop at the post office to use the debit/credit machine (I never have cash) to buy some stamps. All I needed was stamps. Of course, the machine was out of order, and I had to stand in a 35-mile-long line for the window. I was majorly annoyed and almost left. But I NEEDED stamps, so I whined a little and stood in line feeling like these things always happen to me. Whah.

Next thing I know, a woman walks in with a little cutie pie baby and gets in line behind me. I make googly eyes at the kid and ask the momma how old he is. She says he's 18 months. I tell her that we're adopting an 18-month-old. She asks from where. I say Ethiopia. She says (you guessed it), that her son is from ETHIOPIA!!! We have the most lovely conversation for the 34 miles left of the line and end up exchanging emails and talking about getting together.

There are about 75,000 people in our town and about 26 families who have adopted from Ethiopia. What are the chances I'd be standing in line at the post office with one of them? God knows the chances.

Peace.

Welcome!

Well, I did it. I started a blog. I knocked it around in my head for a long time. Because really, who wants to read about my family? And how much do I want to put out there for people to read? But what worried me most is that I would be sucked into the blogosphere and my motherly duties would be severly neglected -- I tend to be obsessive about things. (The last few months I was obsessed with crocheting. I have several nifty scarves now, but very dirty floors.) In the end, however, I decided to go for it. Being able to read other Ethiopia adoption blogs has been such a blessing that I am hoping to pay it forward for others in the process. I hope this blog can be as much of comfort to others as other blogs have been to me!

I guess it makes sense to introduce us. This is WMWM (World's Most Wonderful Man) and me. We are 43 years old and have been married 13 years. We're complete opposites, and completely in love.

And here are our kiddos...


This is Tater, age 11. He is our serious, thinking child.

He plays basketball...
baseball...

and he was our neighborhood's belly-flop champion!


This is Speed Racer, age 10. She is our social, on-the-go child.


She's a competitive gymnast...

who loves girlfriends, gabbing, giggling...

and swimming!

Then there's Spud who's 17 months old. We're adopting him from Ethiopia. Unfortunately, we are not allowed to post a picture of him until our court date is complete. Good news -- our court date is tomorrow, so pictures may be coming soon! In the meantime, know that he is beautiful and precious. If our court date is successful tomorrow, we may travel to Ethiopia in as soon as three weeks.

I believe that's enough blogging for today. Thank you for visiting! :)